local man went to Nigeria

I went to Nigeria for the first time in 10 years two weeks ago. The last time I visited, I was 18. I’m 28 now, so my perspective on everything has definitely evolved.

My first time visiting Nigeria was after my mom died. I was 1 year old and my brother Chiamaka was 3. My dad sent us there to stay with family while he figured out how he was going to raise two boys on his own.

I was told that when we came back to the US a year later, we spoke fluent Igbo, which is crazy because I can’t really speak the language now. But I still understand certain things and can instantly recognize it when I hear someone speaking it.

The main reason for my trip was to bury my Uncle Stephen. He was a great man. He always had my back and was like a second father to me.

Growing up, my brother and I called him “Big Daddy” because he was my dad’s older brother. While my dad was at work, he would drop us off at my uncle’s house, and we spent a lot of our early years there.

When I was younger I was honestly kind of scared of him because he was strict and stern, but that’s exactly what I needed because I was a full-time knucklehead. As I got older though, he became softer and more supportive. He would even advocate for me when my dad would complain about some of the decisions I was making with my life.

My dad is a very complex person, but at his core I know he loves my brother and me deeply. You usually don’t see him show much emotion, but you could tell he was genuinely happy and proud to be back in Nigeria with his two adult sons.

The older I get, the more respect I gain for him. I also keep realizing similarities between us, and how understanding him better helps me understand myself better, too.

These are my uncle’s sons and my closest cousins, Chichi and Nkele. It’s cool because they’re kind of a copy and paste of my brother and me. As long as I can remember, they’ve always been in my life, supporting me, giving me wisdom, and pouring into me in every way possible. These are really my guys, so it was important for me to be there for them while we buried their father.

You’ve also got lil Ezekiel in the mix too. He doesn’t fully know it yet, but he’s definitely going to be my sidekick as he gets older.

This is my Uncle Anayo, my mom’s only sibling. It was my first time seeing him in 10 years, but even from a distance, I’ve always known he prays for me every day and checks up on me constantly through WhatsApp.

He’s really the main connection I still have to my mom, and my brother and I are a piece of her that he still has left. Spending time with him and his sons on this trip meant a lot to me, and I know my mom was happy seeing all of us together.

These are my baby cousins Eslyn and Ella. They’re also basically clones of my brother and me 😂 Their dad is on the left two pictures above. Nkele has two daughters too that weren’t able to make it, but it’s the exact same dynamic. The older child, like my brother, is a little more reserved and clever, while the younger one is more rambunctious.

The beautiful thing about life is that I’m around the same age now that my older cousins were when I was in my most impressionable years, and their kids are now around the same age I was back then, if that makes sense. So now I get to step into that uncle/cousin role and help guide these youngins through life and support them the same way my OGs supported me.

I think about all the memories I have with my older cousins and all the different ways I’ll be able to show up for my little cousins as they grow up.

This is Mother Theresa’s family (far left). I met her when I was around 13 years old. She stayed with my family in the US and gave birth to her first daughter, Zikora (on my right), while living with us. During those months we got really close, and I even helped name Zikora and take care of her when she was born.

That was the last time we saw each other, about 15 years ago, so it was an amazing reunion getting to meet her husband and two kids this time around. Her real name is Theresa, but I call her “Mother Theresa” because she was always so warm, nurturing, and loving toward me when she stayed with us.

While I was in Nigeria, I got my Nigerian passport. There were a few reasons why. One, because I have the ability to do it, so why not. Two, for ease of travel because I plan on visiting a lot more often than once every 10 years.

But beyond that, I genuinely feel like there’s a lot of opportunity in Nigeria that I can tap into. Eventually, I want to do business there and have an impact on my home country, so I need to start getting familiar with how things operate, understanding the culture from an adult perspective, and identifying white spaces I can potentially act on in the near future.

If you didn’t know, my mom passed away when I was 9 months old. She was dealing with postpartum depression after having me and tragically ended up taking her own life.

For most of my life, the concept of who my mom was has lived inside my mind as a reflection of my best qualities. The image I’ve carried of her has always felt connected to the better parts of myself.

I took this trip as an opportunity to ask people who knew her what she was really like, and almost every response was the same. Even people in the village that I never asked directly would come up to me and tell me how impactful she was. The fact that people still speak about her like that 28 years after her passing really says everything.

I love my mom deeply, and hearing those stories reminded me that she still lives on through me, my brother, and all the people whose lives she touched during her time on this earth.

Overall, this was an amazing trip. I enjoyed every moment of it, even the bumpy roads, the mosquitos, the cold showers, the nonstop sweating, and the inconsistent power.

All of it made me even more grateful for what I have and gave me a deeper appreciation for where I come from.